Geez, people! I never said it was a *REAL* house!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday - Building A New House
Geez, people! I never said it was a *REAL* house!Friday, February 24, 2012
25 Rules For Moms With Sons
I ran across these "25 Rules for Moms with Sons" on Pinterest last week and I had to share!
These were written November 2011 by Tabitha Studer at http://www.blogger.com/www.studerteam.blogspot.com. Tabitha states, "After a mostly fruitless search for “rules” for mothers with sons (and a particularly hard momma day), I was inspired to write my own list to remind myself of what’s important, especially during those days that being a mom to an ever-squirming, ever-curious boy is both challenging and exhausting. Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial. So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt - but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives. You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life. From "Can I go play with them?" to "Should I ask her to marry me?" It’s a big job, but as the momma, we're up for it."
1. Teach him the words for how he feels. Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference. Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. Be a cheerleader for his life. There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade. He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.
3. Teach him how to do laundry... And load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But someday his wife will thank you.
4. Read to him and read with him. Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents." Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.
5. Encourage him to dance. Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three. It doesn't have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.
6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity. The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).
7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity. The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).
8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity. You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering...you are a superhero. do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.
9. Teach him to have manners because it’s nice. And it will make the world a little better of a place.
10. Give him something to believe in... Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.
11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.
12. Let him ruin his clothes. Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.
13. Learn how to throw a football or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
14. Go outside with him. Turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.
15. Let him lose. Losing sucks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't. He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.
16. Give him opportunities to help others. There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities. Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.
17. Remind him that practice makes perfect. This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.
18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?" Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid Internet searches). Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.
19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you, especially the wipes.
20. Let his dad teach him how to do things... Without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, someday down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything. You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.
21. Give him something to release his energy. Drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff. and then you'll be sorry.
22. Build him forts. Forts have the ability to make every day normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders. For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
23. Take him to new places. It will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.
24. Kiss him. Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day. But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?' Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old. You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it.
25. Be home base. You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
See you around! I'm off to practice my new rules!
These were written November 2011 by Tabitha Studer at http://www.blogger.com/www.studerteam.blogspot.com. Tabitha states, "After a mostly fruitless search for “rules” for mothers with sons (and a particularly hard momma day), I was inspired to write my own list to remind myself of what’s important, especially during those days that being a mom to an ever-squirming, ever-curious boy is both challenging and exhausting. Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial. So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt - but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives. You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life. From "Can I go play with them?" to "Should I ask her to marry me?" It’s a big job, but as the momma, we're up for it."
1. Teach him the words for how he feels. Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference. Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. Be a cheerleader for his life. There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade. He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.
3. Teach him how to do laundry... And load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But someday his wife will thank you.
4. Read to him and read with him. Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents." Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.
5. Encourage him to dance. Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three. It doesn't have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.
6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity. The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).
7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity. The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).
8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity. You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering...you are a superhero. do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.
9. Teach him to have manners because it’s nice. And it will make the world a little better of a place.
10. Give him something to believe in... Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.
11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.
12. Let him ruin his clothes. Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.
13. Learn how to throw a football or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
14. Go outside with him. Turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.
15. Let him lose. Losing sucks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't. He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.
16. Give him opportunities to help others. There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities. Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.
17. Remind him that practice makes perfect. This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.
18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?" Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid Internet searches). Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.
19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you, especially the wipes.
20. Let his dad teach him how to do things... Without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, someday down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything. You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.
21. Give him something to release his energy. Drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff. and then you'll be sorry.
22. Build him forts. Forts have the ability to make every day normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders. For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
23. Take him to new places. It will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.
24. Kiss him. Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day. But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?' Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old. You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it.
25. Be home base. You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
See you around! I'm off to practice my new rules!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Hot Dogs And Cow Auctions
Monday is cow auction day. Monday is not always a good day to eat at 'the hot dog place' which happens to be located in the building underneath the bleachers at the cow auction. However, Mondays are Little A's favorite time to eat at the hot dog place becuase it's cow auction day so we gave it a shot.
Last Monday was different for some reason. The hot dog place (Better known as Roy's Chicago Dogs at the Yard) was fairly empty (Perhaps rain keeps people away from hot dogs and cow auctions?), even right at noon when the auction employees were breaking for lunch.
Grandma, Grandpa, Little A and I enjoyed our favorite dogs and then watched the auction for awhile. I'd never been and was quite fascinated.
The cows come in the door at the left of the picture below and parade around through the small arena. If they're not moving enough, the man in the arena gives them a little bump in the buttocks with something that looks like a plastic oar.
Inside the booth there's an auctioneer (the main in white), a 'secretary' (the woman in red) and one other guy who's job I wasn't clear on.
As the cow parades through the arena, the auctioneer takes bids. Althogh there were other people in the stands (maybe 8 including us), as near as I could tell the only people bidding were a gentleman from a local meat company and the man who was in the arena with the cows, letting them in and out.
Once a per pound price is determined, the cow is let out the door seen in the left of the picture below, where it's weighed.
It was very interesting to watch. Little A and Grandma enjoyed discussing which cows needed to be milked, how many udders they had, etc. They send the cows into the arena when they're full of milk. It seems wrong to me, as it adds about 40 pounds to the weight, but I guess these guys are in the business and they know what they're doing.
I think I'll go again sometime, maybe when there are sheep or pigs on auction. Good times!Thursday, February 16, 2012
Sleep Stages
Scientific research has discovered that there are five stages of sleep. I disagree. So far, I've discovered ten!
The "I think I'm going to puke..." Stage
The "Peaceful" Stage
The "Little Bit Worried" Stage
Fill In The Blank...
The "Talk To The Hand" Stage
The "Hang Your Head/We're So Ashamed" Stage
The "Praying To Buddah" Stage
The "Cliffhanger" Stage
The "I think I'm going to puke..." Stage
The "Deep In Thought" Stage
The "Put Your Hands In The Air!" Stage
The "Peaceful" Stage
The "Little Bit Worried" Stage
Fill In The Blank...
The "Talk To The Hand" Stage
The "Hang Your Head/We're So Ashamed" Stage
The "Praying To Buddah" Stage
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Ambiguities
According to Merriam-Webster, an ambiguous word or expression is a word or expression that can be understood in two or more possible ways. For those who love the philosophy or ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of the English language, here you go!
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE
ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-
HELP SECTION?". SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF,
IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE
WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE
ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-
HELP SECTION?". SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF,
IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE
WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Retrun Of Cuper (AKA Happy Valentine's Day)
Before I tell you about the Return of Cuper, I'd like to share a little Pre-Valentine's Day Valentine's Gift.
Yesterday Grandpa and Little A picked Big A up from school and the three of them went off to do what the three of them do when they spend the afternoon together (the tractor store, the feed store, etc.). They returned home shortly before dinner time bearing gifts for Grandma and me. Big A came in carrying a long, gold box with a dozen long stem roses for Grandma, and Little A came in carrying a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers half her size. She ran up to me and said something along the lines of, "Mommy, we want you to have these because we love you and we want you to be happy and have a happy Valentine's Day!" Wiping tears from my eyes I read the card that she pulled out of the center of the bouquet. Big A had written, "Love you," and Little A had signed it. As I read the card again, the pre-printed writing at the top of the card caught my eye... "Wishing You A Speedy Recovery".
Thanks for the laugh, Little A! I wish you understood the humor!
And now for Cuper...
As has become tradition in our home on Valentine's Eve, Cuper (Little A's version of Cupid) paid his annual visit last night. He left the usual chocolates and hearts on the floor, starting in their room and making a path to their Valentine's gifts.
The kids enjoyed checking out all of their goodies but unfortunately there was no time to play this morning as we had to get ready to face the day. The promise of Valentine's parties at school got the kids up and moving and they both came home with cards, candy, tattoos, stickers, pencils, etc., from their friends at school.
Yesterday Grandpa and Little A picked Big A up from school and the three of them went off to do what the three of them do when they spend the afternoon together (the tractor store, the feed store, etc.). They returned home shortly before dinner time bearing gifts for Grandma and me. Big A came in carrying a long, gold box with a dozen long stem roses for Grandma, and Little A came in carrying a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers half her size. She ran up to me and said something along the lines of, "Mommy, we want you to have these because we love you and we want you to be happy and have a happy Valentine's Day!" Wiping tears from my eyes I read the card that she pulled out of the center of the bouquet. Big A had written, "Love you," and Little A had signed it. As I read the card again, the pre-printed writing at the top of the card caught my eye... "Wishing You A Speedy Recovery".
Thanks for the laugh, Little A! I wish you understood the humor!
And now for Cuper...As has become tradition in our home on Valentine's Eve, Cuper (Little A's version of Cupid) paid his annual visit last night. He left the usual chocolates and hearts on the floor, starting in their room and making a path to their Valentine's gifts.
Little A woke up before the alarm and excitedly ran to find me to let me know that Cuper had come. She then woke up her brother and alerted Grandma and Grandpa and the kids followed Cuper's trail to the living room to check out their loot... Coloring sets, posters, Wii games Lego guys, a new dice game and LOTS of candy!!
The kids enjoyed checking out all of their goodies but unfortunately there was no time to play this morning as we had to get ready to face the day. The promise of Valentine's parties at school got the kids up and moving and they both came home with cards, candy, tattoos, stickers, pencils, etc., from their friends at school.
Tonight we enjoyed a Valentine's steak dinner during which I was serenaded by Little A who sang Once In Love With Amy (there wasn't a dry eye at the table afterwards). Dinner was followed by petits fours from Divine Delights and another round of card opening.
I think the kids had a nice Valentine's Day, and if they're happy, I'm happy! So until Cuper comes again... Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Girls' Night Out!
Last night, for the first time in a L O N G TIME, I went out for a MUCH NEEDED girl's night out. Grandma and Grandpa took the kids to a play in San Francisco and I met up with some friends.
We started the evening with dinner at Blu where we enjoyed good food and great conversation but had to leave after 3 hours because they were closing. THE NERVE! After Blu we walked across the courtyard to Powell's to stock up on junk food (Yes, we ARE mature!) before heading to Taps. Nothing says adult like gummy cola bottles, cinnamon bears and a raspberry ale, right?
None of us had ever been to Taps before but the husband of one of the girls had suggested we check it out. I'm not a big beer drinker, but I had absolutely no problem tagging along and being the designated driver. I must admit, it's kind of odd ordering water when surrounded by people drinking beer. Oh well!
We spent another two hours at Taps drinking beer, people watching, and just having fun. We talked a lot and laughed tons and it was wonderful! I can't wait to do it again!
Thanks, Ladies!
We started the evening with dinner at Blu where we enjoyed good food and great conversation but had to leave after 3 hours because they were closing. THE NERVE! After Blu we walked across the courtyard to Powell's to stock up on junk food (Yes, we ARE mature!) before heading to Taps. Nothing says adult like gummy cola bottles, cinnamon bears and a raspberry ale, right?
None of us had ever been to Taps before but the husband of one of the girls had suggested we check it out. I'm not a big beer drinker, but I had absolutely no problem tagging along and being the designated driver. I must admit, it's kind of odd ordering water when surrounded by people drinking beer. Oh well!
We spent another two hours at Taps drinking beer, people watching, and just having fun. We talked a lot and laughed tons and it was wonderful! I can't wait to do it again!
Thanks, Ladies!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tortellini And Garden Vegetable Bake
Tortellini and Garden Vegetable Bake
Ingredients
* 10 ounces dried cheese-filled tortellini or two 9-ounce packages refrigerated tortellini
* 1 medium carrot, thinly sliced
* 1 1/2 cups sugar snap peas, halved crosswise
* 1 tablespoon margarine or butter
* 1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
* 1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
* 1/3 cup chicken broth
* 2 tablespoons snipped fresh oregano or 1-1/2 teaspoons dried oregano, crushed
* 2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
* 3/4 teaspoon garlic salt
* 1/2 teaspoon pepper
* 1 cup milk
* 1 medium carrot, thinly sliced
* 1 1/2 cups sugar snap peas, halved crosswise
* 1 tablespoon margarine or butter
* 1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
* 1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
* 1/3 cup chicken broth
* 2 tablespoons snipped fresh oregano or 1-1/2 teaspoons dried oregano, crushed
* 2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
* 3/4 teaspoon garlic salt
* 1/2 teaspoon pepper
* 1 cup milk
* one 8 ounce package cream cheese, cubed and softened
* 1 tablespoon lemon juice
* 1 cup quartered cherry tomatoes
* 1 small red sweet pepper, coarsely chopped
* 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
* 1 tablespoon lemon juice
* 1 cup quartered cherry tomatoes
* 1 small red sweet pepper, coarsely chopped
* 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
Directions
1. Cook tortellini in boiling salted water according to package directions, adding the carrot during the last 5 minutes of cooking and the sugar snap peas during the last 1 minute of cooking; drain.
2. Meanwhile, heat margarine or butter in a 12-inch skillet. Add chicken and mushrooms, and cook about 5 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Remove from skillet.
3. Shake together chicken broth, oregano, flour, garlic salt, and pepper in a screw-top jar until smooth. Add to skillet along with milk. Cook and stir until thickened and bubbly; add cream cheese. Cook and stir until cream cheese is smooth. Remove from heat. Stir in lemon juice. Add pasta mixture, chicken mixture, tomatoes, and sweet pepper. Toss to coat. Pour into an ungreased 13x9 baking dish.
4. Bake, covered, in a 350 degrees F oven for 30 to 35 minutes or until heated through. Stir mixture and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Makes 12 main-dish servings.
You can make this dish ahead of time. Prepare the dish as directed but don't bake it. Instead, cover and chill up to 24 hours. Bake, covered, in a 350 degrees F oven about 55 minutes or until hot. ENJOY!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Full Moon Phone Calls
At my job we get some pretty strange phone calls, but a full moon definitely brings out the best in people! Here's a few samples from the wackos we helped yesterday...
"I have a man here who wants to bring his miniature horse into my restaurant. He says it's a service animal." Really? A service horse? Guess what... It's PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE (Read it right here!)! Who woulda thunk it?
"I'm looking for you to enlighten me... What do they spray on fruits and vegetables these days to keep them fresh and crisp? Even the old ones are fresh and crisp!"
"The military is spraying aerosol on us! Go outside and look at the sky! You see those strips in the sky??" (Yes, I see the strips... Clearly an airplane just flew by... And your point is?)
"I want to make a complaint. The other morning I was sitting in the bar and there were cock-a-roaches running around and there were rats and the carpet was dirty. And are bars required to have wheel chair express?" Um... First of all, any conversation that starts with "The other MORNING I was sitting in the BAR..."
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...
"I have a man here who wants to bring his miniature horse into my restaurant. He says it's a service animal." Really? A service horse? Guess what... It's PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE (Read it right here!)! Who woulda thunk it?
"I'm looking for you to enlighten me... What do they spray on fruits and vegetables these days to keep them fresh and crisp? Even the old ones are fresh and crisp!"
"The military is spraying aerosol on us! Go outside and look at the sky! You see those strips in the sky??" (Yes, I see the strips... Clearly an airplane just flew by... And your point is?)
"I want to make a complaint. The other morning I was sitting in the bar and there were cock-a-roaches running around and there were rats and the carpet was dirty. And are bars required to have wheel chair express?" Um... First of all, any conversation that starts with "The other MORNING I was sitting in the BAR..."
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Luck Box Notes
Over the past year I've been collecting cute little notes to put in the kids' lunchboxes. I found some last year at Mrs. Grossman's Sticker Factory and was given some awhile back as a gift. Some of them have words already printed on them and others are blank and come with stickers to decorate them. I don't use them every day, but a couple times a week I'll write some type of note and stick it in their lunches.
Yesterday I put one in Little A's lunch box that I had decorated with stickers and written on telling her to have a great day and to have fun at the birthday party she was attending after school. Big A and I had not had a great afternoon, so I found one that said, "Your feelings matter to me," which I felt was a very important and appropriate message for him. I wrote around the edge of it, "Sorry we had a rough afternoon. Let's try harder today. I love you!" There was a random fact written on the back of the note, too, but I didn't read that part as I was focused on the message on the front.
Last night when I got home, I asked him if he'd read the note I'd put in his lunch and he told me he'd not had time. (As a side note, Little A LOVES the notes and begs me to put them in... Big A doesn't really care but I do it anyway.) I asked him to go find it and told him that it had a really important message on it and that I waned him to read it.
He retrieved the note and he stood in the kitchen and read it while I was packing lunches. "Did you know that turtles breathe through their butts?"
Talk about ruining the moment! He read the random fact before he read the message!
And note to self... ALWAYS CHECK THE RANDOM FACTS BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE LUNCH BOX!! One would ASSUME (I know, I know!) that a company writing notes clearly intended for a child's lunchbox, would NOT put information on the card that could get said child in trouble at school!
Oh well, I tried!
Yesterday I put one in Little A's lunch box that I had decorated with stickers and written on telling her to have a great day and to have fun at the birthday party she was attending after school. Big A and I had not had a great afternoon, so I found one that said, "Your feelings matter to me," which I felt was a very important and appropriate message for him. I wrote around the edge of it, "Sorry we had a rough afternoon. Let's try harder today. I love you!" There was a random fact written on the back of the note, too, but I didn't read that part as I was focused on the message on the front.
Last night when I got home, I asked him if he'd read the note I'd put in his lunch and he told me he'd not had time. (As a side note, Little A LOVES the notes and begs me to put them in... Big A doesn't really care but I do it anyway.) I asked him to go find it and told him that it had a really important message on it and that I waned him to read it.
He retrieved the note and he stood in the kitchen and read it while I was packing lunches. "Did you know that turtles breathe through their butts?"
Talk about ruining the moment! He read the random fact before he read the message!
And note to self... ALWAYS CHECK THE RANDOM FACTS BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE LUNCH BOX!! One would ASSUME (I know, I know!) that a company writing notes clearly intended for a child's lunchbox, would NOT put information on the card that could get said child in trouble at school!
Oh well, I tried!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Is That... (AKA More Little Aisms!)
We use Folgers Coffee grounds at home. Always have, probably always will. It's what my dad used when I was growing up (still is) and it just reminds me of home.
If you're familiar with Folgers, you're familiar with the big, red, plastic container that it comes in, and you probably know that the container has many uses when it's empty. The containers are great for toy cars, screws and other miscellaneous hardware, crayons and markers, and a million other things. One thing that we often use the empty cans for is creature catching. We've used them for mice, lizards, salamanders, etc. Most recently we used the red can for a lizard named Lizzy.
A couple of weeks after Lizzy had been released, Little A and I were cleaning up the kitchen and getting things ready for the next day. I asked her to go to the refrigerator and get me the coffee. She didn't know what the coffee looked like, so I said, "It's the big, red can."
She opened the frig, looked around, and spotted the can. As she pulled it from the refrigerator she asked in a bit of a shocked tone, "Mommy, is this Lizzy?!?!"
It took me a moment to realize what she was asking but then I laughed and explained that it was coffee grounds and that after the coffee was gone we reuse the cans. However, she's is stuck on the idea that inside those cans is Lizzy and while on the coffee aisle at Safeway the next day her eyes got wide and she asked, "Are those ALL Lizzys??"
Ah, to be young and innocent again... I love that girl!
If you're familiar with Folgers, you're familiar with the big, red, plastic container that it comes in, and you probably know that the container has many uses when it's empty. The containers are great for toy cars, screws and other miscellaneous hardware, crayons and markers, and a million other things. One thing that we often use the empty cans for is creature catching. We've used them for mice, lizards, salamanders, etc. Most recently we used the red can for a lizard named Lizzy.
A couple of weeks after Lizzy had been released, Little A and I were cleaning up the kitchen and getting things ready for the next day. I asked her to go to the refrigerator and get me the coffee. She didn't know what the coffee looked like, so I said, "It's the big, red can."
She opened the frig, looked around, and spotted the can. As she pulled it from the refrigerator she asked in a bit of a shocked tone, "Mommy, is this Lizzy?!?!"
It took me a moment to realize what she was asking but then I laughed and explained that it was coffee grounds and that after the coffee was gone we reuse the cans. However, she's is stuck on the idea that inside those cans is Lizzy and while on the coffee aisle at Safeway the next day her eyes got wide and she asked, "Are those ALL Lizzys??"
Ah, to be young and innocent again... I love that girl!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Welcome Baby Ryland!
Last night, after a long and difficult 36 hours, my cousin and her husband welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world.
Welcome, Baby Ryland and CONGRATULATIONS to Julianna and Nate! Ryland, we are so happy that you're here and can't wait to watch you grow up! Your cousins are VERY excited to meet you and play with you!
Ryland Lucas Patterson
February 3, 2011
10:44 pm
6 pounds 15.9 ounces
20 1/4 inches
Welcome, Baby Ryland and CONGRATULATIONS to Julianna and Nate! Ryland, we are so happy that you're here and can't wait to watch you grow up! Your cousins are VERY excited to meet you and play with you!Friday, February 3, 2012
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